Emotions drive our attention, thinking, decision making, social behavior and our learning.  Self – control is based on our ability to regulate our emotions.  Our ability to detect emotion provides crucial information about ourselves and others.  How do we help children navigate their emotions?

As Adults, our ability to model an understanding of emotions and the ability to coach children is crucial to our children’s development.

In his book, Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children, Dr. John Gottman discusses four parenting styles, as well as steps to being an emotional coach for your child.  The four parenting styles are the Dismissing style (Just get over it!), Disapproving style (You shouldn’t feel that way), Laissez-Faire Style (Anything goes), and Emotion Coaching (Empathize and guide).  Once we identify our approach or how we were parented, we can start identifying strategies to alter our reactions and be supportive to our children.

The five steps for emotion coaching are Emotional Awareness, Connecting, Listening, Naming emotions and Finding Good Solutions.  This includes encouraging emotional expression, but setting clear limits on behavior and helping children think through possible solutions.

Dr. Marc Brackett, Ph.D. describes the RULER approach to help children navigate their understanding of emotions and how to apply this to decision making.  First is Recognizing emotions accurately, Understanding and Labeling the causes and consequences of emotions, Expressing emotions in socially appropriate ways and Regulating emotions effectively.

Children experience hundreds of pleasant and unpleasant emotions every day.  These emotions can enhance or interfere with their success.  Developing strategies to gain understanding of emotions is a lifelong skill for the children.

I am happy to announce a parenting class on emotion coaching sponsored by our PGA on May 3 and May 10.  Stay tuned for details and to sign up.

Susie

Image Credit: Gottman Institute