One of the most frequently discussed situations at the toddler age is the question of temper tantrums and dealing with the frustrations of everyday life for toddlers. The time of toddler hood comes quickly and is accompanied by new and exciting experiences, constantly.  As one of my trainers said to me, “You have to view a toddler as a new child every day.” Toddlers are moving toward being more independent, making choices for themselves, being challenged, learning how to wait, still learning their family language (and sometimes more). This is a lot to handle for a little body. Sometimes this can lead to a meltdown and temper tantrums. One of the most important aspects of a toddler room is that it is set up in such a way that it is made just for the toddlers. It has all the tools your toddler will need to satisfy his or her need for real, purposeful work. The child has access to the tools needed to complete the work he or she is drawn to. Whether the call is from the child’s inner scientist and wants to explore cause and effect (the Cash register) or the child has a need to contribute to the toddler community (making a snack for all her friends to enjoy).

I was recently reading one of my favorite Montessori blogs written by Sarah Moudry (you may remember her as Edison’s mom from the video “Edison’s Day”).  She spoke to some of these times in a toddler’s life, when our toddlers are faced with a challenge and a decision to make. She talks about how a parent must guide their child, by setting limits, acknowledging frustration and following through. As a parent, you are your child’s first teacher. I think Sarah gave some great tips for working through these intense moments of frustration and I’d like to share them with you:

1. Change your phrasing.  Instead of “No, you can’t have both the mop and broom,” consider saying, “Yes, you may mop after you sweep. I will hold the mop while you sweep and then we’ll trade when you are ready.”

2. Follow through!!!!! Always as a parent, if you say it, you must follow through. Your child depends on your honesty and clarity. This builds trust in you, in them and in the world.

3. Have high expectations. Hold them in your mind. Know what your child is capable of. It’s probably way more than you imagined. Know in your heart that he or she has the potential to make it through the decision making process without a meltdown.

4. Don’t be disappointed. It takes time to learn new skills, and the ability to wait is a skill. It will take many opportunities. And once you think your child has it, it may be gone the next moment. That is OK. Be in the moment with your child and cherish that he or she is growing stronger by working through this with you.  Meltdowns are not your failures. They are moments for the both of you to get to know each other and your selves better.

So, if your child wants to stand at the sink and let the water run, but you have set the limit that the water is being wasted, give the need to work with water a purpose. Give your child a sponge, some dishes that need to be washed, and a bowl of soapy water at the sink. Acknowledge his or her contribution to keeping the house tidy. There are so many opportunities for your child to contribute in daily life. Be open to these and watch and see the purposeful work to which your child is drawn.

Thanks Sarah! You can find Sarah’s blog at SarahMoudry.com.

Stay warm,

Erin